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Humanly Sports Pages – Issue 30

UPWARDLY MOBILE SKIING Slowlumber Challenge from Pitzpuerile, Austria. This test of endurance uphill skiing race that began in the particularly bad winter of 1941-42 is still going. The prestigious Sisyphus

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News Real 7 – Issue 30

WHERE ARE THEY NOW? THIS MONTH:  Mistakes In this modern world, it seems no one makes mistakes anymore, as everyone is getting it right first time. Although, it may be

Christmas Puzzles & Competitions 4 – Issue 30

Christmas Puzzles & Competitions Across 3. Beds turned back over Royal leg warmer 5. Current gift 6. Dispense with present holder. 7. Benign cyst turns up something fresh. 8. Mastricht’s

Christmas Puzzles & Competitions 3 – Issue 30

Christmas Puzzles & Competitions A SUDOKU XMAS NO CHRISTMAS PUZZLE PAGE WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT THE CHALLENGE OF A SUDOKU. THIS IS AN ICONIC CHALLENGE WITH HOME MADE EMOJIS REPLACING

Christmas Puzzles & Competitions 2 – Issue 30

Christmas Puzzles & Competitions  CAN YOU FIND THE WORDS THAT MAKE UP SANTA’S DREAM OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS?   BASEBALL / BIGRUSH / BLITZEN / BLOW /  BUMP / CAROLLING

Christmas Puzzles & Competitions 1 – Issue 30

Christmas Puzzles & Competitions  PICTURE POSERS – CAN YOU SOLVE THE PHRASES MYSTERIES?

News Real 6 – Issue 30

A TALE OF TWO TAILS A leading men’s hair replacement firm, My Little Pony Tail, has been forced to withdraw and recall its latest syrups, and suspend all operations to

Jim Ladd – Issue 30

Report by Little Jim Ladd (our countrywide reporter of the nation’s underbelly) This time we set our compass for the darkest bowels of old Yorkshire, at a place called Bloody

Our Man In Hiatus – Issue 30

There are snowmen outside our minds that want to melt our way of life. Like we know what the threat actually is. To be fully aware we’d need to think

Philosophical Sneeze – Issue 30

HISTORY TELLS US WHAT WE HAVE DONE, IMAGINATION SHOWS US WHAT WE CAN YET DO


Latest Issue

ISSUE 30 LATEST FEATURES: HUMANLY SPORTS PAGESSUBVERTISEMENT Gross-Tinted Glasses - URBANE MAN COLUMNMEDIA PAGEMINI ADSPOLITICAL CARTOON (Mobile) – NEWS REAL 1, 2. 3. 4. 5. 6, 7Political Cartoon (Lasagne)

COVER STORY: I GET SO EMOTICON, BABY

Emoticons: a conflation of emotion and icons? It seems too simple, doesn’t it? To describe the complexity of twenty-first century living by use of little round, usually yellow images representing mood and emotional state in response to experience of life by complex individuals, seems very much an oversimplification? (read.more) ————————————————–

LITTLE EDITORIAL

According to the Global Language Monitor – and who am I to argue? – there are 1,025,109.8 words in the English Language, as at 1 January 2014, with the millionth word being Web 2.0 (which looks like a word and two numbers to me, but as I said earlier, what do I know?) (read more)

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THOSE ETHICS GIRLS

Gladys: Well, Alice Pleasance Liddell, I think it’s time we found your parents and let them know you’re safe, don’t you? Alice: They’re not here.  They didn’t come with me. Mavis: So who did bring you, Alice?  
Alice: No-one, I think. That is, it seems so long ago.
Sheila: Well, someone must have brought you, sweetheart. You can’t have travelled here alone.(read more) ————————————————–

NEWS REAL

LOWERING THE STANDARD A man was quietly and carefully escorted from Covent Garden last month after he lost control of his wind and brass section whilst playing the national anthem by blowing a trumpet, voluntarily, with his anus. (read. more) ————————————————–

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

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POO CORNER

RAINING TONES
Rain, falling steadily, like moral and ethical standards in politics and society, adds a dismal greyness  (read more)

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BONAR’S LAW

Or a small day slowly unravelling into a stoic’s amusing contretemps with the fudging finger of fate.
Anyone looking at the author of this tale would, in any month of Sundays – even though it’s not the leisure-fest it once was – not be put in mind of Prometheus or Icarus; more likely they would see a dishevelled Sisyphus. (read.more) ————————————————–

POPPYCOCK CORNUCOPIA

AN ENGLISH PROSE
Autumn – another season of pettifogging and shallow fruitlessness. Another political season of liars and ne’er-do-wells talking glibly and unashamedly about honesty and moral high-ground, as if they know what they say. Clean-shaven disingenuousness and brazen contradictions still aiming to fox us  (read more)

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PRIME SCREAM

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FIFTH COLUMN

IT’S ONLY WORDS, AND WORDS ARE ALL WE HAVE TO COMMUNICATE OUR HUMANITY, OUR INDIVIDUALISM…OR ARE THEY? DO WE EVEN NEED WORDS ANYMORE? WHAT WITH SYMBOLS EMOTICONS, SHORT, PUNCHY, TIME-EFFICIENT SHORTHAND, DO WE NEED A LEXICON OF ANY WEIGHT OR SIZE ANYMORE?
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CARTOON FUN WITH FOI DEEJ GREENWOOD

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OUR MAN IN HIATUS

There are snowmen outside our minds that want to melt our way of life. Like we know what the threat actually is. To be fully aware we’d need to think more and consider what’s a steak, sorry, what’s at stake. (read more)

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AN INTERVIEW WITH AN ELF

Eds: Good E… Elf: Don’t even think about it! If I hear that joke again I’ll not be held responsible for my actions.  Eds: Sorry, Hello, we hope you are well. Elf: Well, as it happens, I’m not in good spirits.  (read.more)

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A GOLDEN SMOG POEM FROM FOI JOHN CHRISTIE

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URBANE MAN COLUMN

Delusions of grandeur or merely arrogant ignorance? The creators of yet another spurious app. that gives people the technical means to judge others as if a commodity, likened their entrepreneurship to radically existential counter-thinking, claiming their money-making enterprise as radical. (read more)

MEDIA PAGE

TV

The TV adaptation of the children’s classic, Lord of the Lowered Flies, will be shown as a one-off drama this month. (read.more)
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WE’RE NOT GLAD THEY SAID THAT

“Last month a study found that some of the most widely used risk calculators in use in the US were exaggerating the risks of heart disease by more than double.” An online news headline.

Eds: Well, there’s a surprise that wouldn’t give anyone awake a heart attack with shock!

(read.more)
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TWELFTH FIGHT

part the Ninth  We find Frank in the house of the mayor of Moose, WY, trying to get some peace from the pursuers intent on ending his stay, permanently. Mayor Mordecai has ideas for a national park for the Grand Tetons (read.more)
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POLITICAL CARTOON

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JIM LADD

This time we set our compass for the darkest bowels of old Yorkshire, at a place called Bloody Eckingthrapple, on the outskirts of Obsolescence. The tenor of life in this little but heaving citadel of bloody-mindedness (read more)
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NEWS REAL

IF THE SPIRIT MOVES A person, wholly unrelated to TV presentation, experienced a ghostly phenomenon in a house in Thryllll, North Wales. After a few hours in the dark, an apparent poltergeist, not just an apparition, put up a picture frame without using a hammer. (read.more)
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MODERN CAROLLING

STILLE NACHTE
Silent plight / Unholy sleight / All too calm / too far right / sanctioning the infirm / mother and child / sleep on heavenly grief / sleep on heavenly grief (read.more)
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EDWIN STARR COLUMN

We are living during a war of words. More than that, we are in the midst of a struggle for freedom of speech, expression and thought (read more)
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CHRISTMAS PUZZLES & COMPETITIONS

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sudoku copy WORDSEARCH crossword copy

THOSE ETHICS GIRLS (ISSUE 12.1)

(Outside Calais ferry port)
Lukasz: Madame? Sorry to…how do you say?…er, interrupt? Yes, I think.
We are here.
Lil: That’s quite all right, Lukasz. Thank you. You’re not interrupting
anything important. (read more) ————————————————– value of christmas——————————————————

THE TIMEPIECE (part one) – ISSUE 11

“So, as I said earlier, Simon, I have no worries at all about the quality of your
work. It’s excellent.” Patricia’s birdlike features scanned the notes in” (read.more) ————————————————– A prime example of political rhetoric from one of the ruling elite. Lest we forget, for fact’s sake! ————————————————–

THE MAN WHO LOOKED UP (ISSUE 4)

“Are you sure? We were due to start our meeting at nine thirty. We’ve lost eight minutes already.” “But what is eight minutes lost compared to a lifetime regained?” (read more) ————————————————–

PUB TALK – THE WRITERS AND EDITORS (MP3)

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ARCHIVE FEATURES: FOOTBALL CRAZY – ISSUE 11THOSE DAFT SOAP SUDS – ISSUE 2LETTERS, ISSUE 6SHARKEY – ISSUE 3POLITICAL CARTOON – ISSUE 10 – SUBVERTISEMENT  - ISSUE 11 - ART AS EXHIBITION – ISSUE 20